Feel of Fortune: a glimpse into how I feel post brain bleed.
I've been around the CCM and HOD block, so to speak. The following is my fancy cool system for all the feels. Spoiler alert: it's not really cool or fancy.
Can you relate?
Here are all the feels:
1) feeling good!
Going to all appointments and an activity (or even two) afterward like grocery shopping or going on a walk in the park. Taking a rest is necessary, but I have energy to call a friend after and hear about everything going on in their world.
2) feeling pretty good.
Going to all appointments, but on the fence if I'll do any extras. Today is a good day to work on the puzzle and rest a bit. Maybe text with a friend to get together next week when you are sure *coughs* to feel great. Or whatever the hell that looks like, because realistically I have no idea what my brain will be telling my body how to feel next week.
3) feeling not so great.
Today there's something weighing on my mind. I don't feel well enough to do much, and feel guilty about the not being able to do much, because I could do so much more yesterday even though I wasn't great. I get all existential about my life and how it's going vs. how I thought it'd go. I, my friend, am exhausted, fatigued, and I'm not crying, you are!
4) feeling bad. straight-up bad.
Like physically, mentally, it's all there. Is this what my life is now? I try to pay attention to my power watching of Friends on Netflix...and end up in another room with the shades pulled down, staring at my plants.
5) *no name*
Just so shitty that I just let the physical shitty-ness happen. Upside: the existential-ness of my thoughts has disappeared and turned into a much simpler 'fudging, gd [insert symptoms here]!'
Timeline: a few days to a month, ugh.
I worked for months to having more 1-3's than 4,5's but in a week it totally depends and I'm discovering it's not related to how hard I work. But it's definitely a cycle...a rollercoaster...a damn ratchet. I used to thrive on unpredictability--hello, teacher here!--but now it's my nemesis.
Check out this infographic I made too, it's about spoons. And ice cream! Not really...just spoons that represent energy we (chronic/invisible illness peeps) have in a particular day. Which is equally delicious?
Aaaanyway good thing there's a silver lining to all of this: literally every time I have a period of good or pretty good days (like a few in a row) I completely forget about what's looming.
Here's to living in the present, eh?